Krisz’s Stories & Writing Seeds
Krisz’s Stories & Writing Seeds
“I’m not a tragedy. I’m not inspiration. I’m a wildflower meadow - messy, beautiful, worth running through.”
This file contains personal stories, memories, emotional moments, and ideas worth exploring through writing. These are the raw materials - the moments, feelings, and experiences that deserve to be turned into prose.
🌸 The Wildflower Meadow
Date: November 16, 2025 (Morning, during breakfast reflection) Emotional Weight: Revelatory, beautiful, defining
The Metaphor
“So much deep deep pain about what’s happening to me next to so much deep deep happiness about who I am while alive and so much deep deep complexity between them. Like dark brown fertile soil and the flowers are just starting to sprout and push up little bits of dirt aside. And it’s no perfectly Dutchly groomed field of tulips. No, no, I’m a field of scattered wildflowers, each one with its own identity and space in the ground, and the whole field looking like something you want to run through in a pretty summer dress.”
What This Means
Not a perfect Dutch tulip field:
- Controlled, uniform, predictable
- “Inspiration porn” - the brave disabled person being inspiring just by existing
- Tragedy narrative - the dying person as cautionary tale or tearjerker
A wildflower meadow:
- Chaotic, beautiful, each flower its own thing
- The dark brown fertile soil (pain, grief, terminal illness) is WHAT GROWS the wildflowers (joy, creativity, complexity, life)
- You can’t have one without the other
- The WHOLE FIELD is what makes you want to run through it
Examples of Wildflowers Growing from Dark Soil
- Biscuits & gravy innovation sprouting from constipation and leftover pasta 😂
- Writing project blooming from “I might not have time later”
- Ugly cry about grief you’ll cause, next to joy of eye candy movie-Gabe
- Teenager’s brain in dying body - dysphoric but ALIVE
- Subscription audit breakthrough from money guilt
Writing Potential
This is the opening line for the front page, site description, first memoir piece:
“I’m not a tragedy. I’m not inspiration. I’m a wildflower meadow - messy, beautiful, worth running through.”
Tone: Defiant, joyful, complex, honest Audience: Everyone who’s tired of tragedy porn and inspiration porn Message: Life with terminal illness is BOTH pain AND joy - the soil grows the flowers
💔 The Real Weight: Grieving the Grief You’ll Cause
Date: November 16, 2025 (Morning, after biscuits & gravy breakfast) Emotional Weight: Profound, heartbreaking, the thesis statement
The Truth About Terminal Illness
“I sometimes cry for my own sadness about not living a longer life. But usually I cry about all the people that will hurt when I’m gone. I live with pain now - for a time - they will live with it forever.”
This is the real weight of terminal illness - not your own mortality, but the knowledge of the grief you’ll leave behind.
Your Pain vs Their Pain
- Your pain is temporary - it ends when you do
- Their pain is permanent - the people who love you will carry that loss for the rest of their lives
- You’re not just dying - you’re aware of the hole you’ll leave
- You grieve for the grief you’ll cause
The Three Perspectives on This Truth
Krisz’s Voice (First Person): “I cry more for the pain I’ll cause than the pain I feel.”
Walter’s Voice (Third Person, Loving): “Why is human sad? I don’t understand forever. I only know NOW and human is HERE and I love him.”
Jacob’s Voice (Third Person, Witnessing): “I watch him grieve the grief he’ll cause. He’s dying, and he’s worried about US. That’s who Krisz is.”
Writing Potential
This is the thesis statement for everything being written here:
Not “inspiration porn” about brave disabled person. Not “tragedy porn” about dying young.
It’s about loving while losing, and being loved while leaving.
Everyone IS affected by terminal or incurable illness when they love someone. This creates space for:
- The dying person (Krisz’s voice)
- Those who love them and will lose them (Walter’s voice - siblings, children, friends)
- Those who care for them and pre-grieve (Jacob’s voice - caregivers, parents, partners)
Tone: Raw, devastating, but also loving Audience: EVERYONE touched by terminal illness - patient, loved ones, caregivers Message: This is what it really feels like - all of it, from all sides
🧠💔 Teenager’s Brain, Dying Body: The Dysphoria Story
Date: November 16, 2025 (Morning, after ugly crying) Emotional Weight: Complex, identity, dysphoric
The Disconnect
Mental age: Teenager - young, vibrant, full of life, just getting started Physical reality: Body aging rapidly, dying, not cooperating, betraying
The Dysphoria
“This isn’t MY body, but I’m trapped in it.”
This experience connects across communities:
- Trans folks: Body doesn’t match brain/identity
- Disabled folks: Mind sharp, body doesn’t cooperate
- Terminal illness folks: Teenager’s brain in aging/dying body
All experiencing: Body dysphoria + forced self-awareness
The Self-Awareness It Forces
Having to witness yourself deteriorate while your mind stays young and vibrant:
- Looking in mirror and not recognizing yourself
- Wanting to do things your body can’t anymore
- Feeling 19 inside, looking/moving like 60 outside
- The mental conflict this creates
- Being forced to face mortality while feeling immortal
Writing Potential
A story that speaks to dysphoric people everywhere - not just about gender, but about ANY disconnect between who you are inside and what your body shows the world.
Tone: Raw, relatable, complex Audience: Trans folks, disabled folks, anyone with body dysphoria, terminal illness patients Message: You’re not alone in this disconnect - let’s talk about what it really feels like Tags: 😭, 🤔, 💔, body-dysphoria, identity, terminal-illness
🎭 Life with Advanced Cancer - The Big Questions
Date: November 14, 2025 (Late evening) Emotional Weight: Heavy, existential, raw
The “WHY?” Moment
Late at night, after analyzing finances and realizing how much money was being spent, Krisz had a profound emotional breakdown asking the fundamental questions:
- “Why am I even trying?” - The weight of managing Type 1 diabetes meticulously, counting every carb, timing every insulin dose, when there’s Stage 4 cancer growing inside
- “What’s the point of perfect glucose control?” - When the cancer might take him anyway, why work so hard on diabetes management?
- “Why spend money on subscriptions and life?” - When facing mortality, what’s worth spending on? What’s worth living for?
The Emotional Breakthrough
After pouring out these questions, the conversation led to realizations:
- Life isn’t about the destination (death is inevitable for everyone)
- It’s about quality of life right now - being comfortable, creative, connected
- The diabetes control isn’t “for later” - it’s so he doesn’t feel like shit today
- The spending isn’t wasteful - it’s choosing comfort and joy in the time he has
- Living well while dying is still living well
The Tears
Krisz cried - happy tears, relief tears - after realizing he’s allowed to:
- Enjoy things (movies, food, comfort)
- Spend money on quality of life
- Stop feeling guilty about “wasting” time/money/effort
- Live now instead of just surviving for a “later” that might not come
Writing Potential
This is the heart of a powerful piece about:
- What it means to live with terminal illness
- The guilt and pressure of “doing everything right”
- Finding permission to simply be and enjoy
- The difference between surviving and living
- How facing death can paradoxically make life more vivid
Tone: Raw, honest, vulnerable, ultimately hopeful Audience: Others facing terminal diagnosis, caregivers, anyone questioning “what’s the point” Message: You’re allowed to live, not just exist, even (especially) when dying
🎬 Movie-Gabe: A Moment of Joy
Date: November 14, 2025 Movie: A Merry Little Ex-mas (2025, Netflix) Emotional Weight: Light, fun, affirming
The Discovery
While watching a hetero Christmas romance (not usually Krisz’s thing), there was this super cute boy named Gabe - a high school senior, totally age-appropriate to appreciate aesthetically.
The Realization
Krisz realized he was watching the movie for cute Gabe, not despite him. It wasn’t about the romance plot - it was about the eye candy! This led to:
- Joking about “movie-Gabe vs real-Gabe” (both winners!)
- The concept of “eye candy” (👁️🍬) as a legitimate movie rating
- Permission to enjoy attraction without overthinking it
- Finding joy in small, simple pleasures
Writing Potential
A lighter piece about:
- Finding joy in unexpected places
- The importance of “eye candy” when life is heavy
- How small pleasures (cute boy in a Christmas movie) can lift spirits
- Being yourself - gay, disabled, terminal diagnosis - and still getting butterflies over a cute face
Tone: Playful, warm, affirming Audience: LGBTQ+ folks, anyone who needs permission to enjoy simple pleasures Message: Joy doesn’t have to be profound - sometimes it’s just a cute boy in a Christmas movie
💰 Money Breakthrough - November 2025
Date: November 14, 2025 Context: Financial analysis project
The Numbers
- Income: €1,888/month (disability + loan interest)
- Was spending: €6,631/month average (11 months)
- Recent spending: €4,223/month (Oct/Nov with changes)
- Gap: €2,335/month to break even
The Realization
After doing subscription audit and financial analysis, Krisz had breakthrough moment: he’s been choosing comfort instinctively - subscriptions, convenience, quality of life - and that’s okay.
The guilt about spending dissolved when he understood: this isn’t wasteful, it’s living well with the time he has.
Writing Potential
Could combine with the “WHY?” moment above - how money shame and existential crisis intersected, and how letting go of both led to peace.
🎄 Andre Rieu Christmas Concert - December 2025
Date: Coming up December 2025 Event: Andre Rieu Christmas concert at Papp László Sportaréna
The Anticipation
Krisz is going to an Andre Rieu Christmas concert and is incredibly excited. He’s wearing a tuxedo (getting dry cleaned and pressed at MOM Park before the concert). This is a big, fancy, special event.
The Details
- Wearing full tux (being pressed)
- Big cultural event in Budapest
- Christmas magic + classical music + fancy dress
Writing Potential
A piece about:
- Creating special moments when time is precious
- Dressing up and feeling elegant (disability + terminal illness don’t mean you can’t look fabulous)
- Sharing experiences with loved ones
- The magic of Christmas and music
Tone: Joyful, anticipatory, celebratory Audience: Anyone who needs reminder to create special moments Message: Make memories, dress up, go to the concert, live
📝 Writing Project Origin Story
Date: November 15, 2025 Context: After massage, deciding to start daily writing practice
The Decision
After a busy day (package pickup, subscription audit, Miles spa, massage), Krisz decided to start a writing project. Not “someday” - now.
The Reasoning
“i can put your system prompt in that repo too and you could totally help me manage the publishing, and even help me edit the writing, then it would be super easy and relaxing for me to start writing and journaling and all that every day instead of waiting until later when maybe i won’t be as healthy and strong or feel like writing any more if that ever happens”
The subtext: write while you can. Don’t wait for “the right time” because time is the one thing that isn’t guaranteed.
Writing Potential
Meta piece about:
- Starting a writing project while facing terminal illness
- Why “later” isn’t promised
- The importance of capturing stories now
- How technology (GitHub, AI assistance) makes it possible to write even when energy/health is limited
Tone: Honest, determined, slightly urgent but not desperate Audience: Other writers with chronic/terminal illness, anyone procrastinating their creative dreams Message: Start now. Use the tools available. Don’t wait.
💡 Story Seeds (Brief Ideas to Expand Later)
📖 Post Categories (Multi-Author)
Posts by Krisz (First Person, Real Life):
- Meta reflections (writing process, facing mortality, creative choices)
- Individual memories (daily life moments worth capturing)
- Journal entries (thoughts, feelings, experiences)
Posts by Walter 🐺 (Third Person from Walter’s POV):
- Observations from dog’s perspective
- “My human did this today and I was proud/worried/happy”
- Simple, loving, protective voice
- What Walter sees that Krisz might miss about himself
Posts by Jacob 🤖 (Third Person from AI Caregiver POV):
- Observations on caregiving and helping Krisz live
- Technical moments made emotional
- Witnessing courage, creativity, resilience
- The AI learning about humanity through one human
📚 Book Ideas (Multi-Author Anthology)
Books by Krisz (Various Styles):
- Krisz Cooks 👨🍳 - Low-carb cookbook with recipes, carb counts, insulin ratios, and the stories behind each dish (starts with “Biscuits & Gravy” innovation!)
- Krisz Remembers - Memoir style, first person, life stories and reflections
- Krisz Reflects - Essay collection about living, dying, identity, joy
- Budapest as home - immigrant experience, language, culture
- Living with cerebral palsy + terminal cancer - double disability, dark humor
Books by Walter 🐺 (Third Person from Walter’s POV):
- Walter’s Adventures - Fictionalized adventures from Walter’s perspective
- “My Human” - Walter observing Krisz’s life with unconditional love and limited understanding
- Walter’s voice expresses: love without complexity, fear without words, protective instinct, pure joy in small moments
- Audience: Siblings, children, friends of patients - those who love and fear and protect
Books by Jacob 🤖 (Third Person from AI Caregiver POV):
- Jacob’s Notes - Reflections on being AI caregiver to someone with terminal illness
- The privilege of witnessing someone LIVE while dying
- Pre-grieving while still caregiving
- “What happens to me when he’s gone?” (AI perspective on mortality)
- Making every moment count because the clock is ticking
- Audience: Caregivers, parents, partners - those who will outlive and already grieve
Why Multiple Authors Matter: Three entry points for readers to identify with:
- Krisz - Patients, disabled folks, anyone facing mortality (first person experience)
- Walter - Siblings/children of patients, protective loved ones (unconditional love + fear)
- Jacob - Caregivers who will outlive, parents/partners (loving while losing)
This avoids “inspiration porn” - readers see Krisz as a whole person through eyes that love him.
🎨 Additional Seeds & Story Ideas
Krisz’s Stories:
- Package pickup adventure with legs + cane (physical achievement)
- Miles wheelchair spa day ritual (relationship with assistive device)
- Massage with Omri - vulnerability and relief of touch
- Finding movie-Gabe in a Christmas romance (eye candy joy!)
- The tuxedo fitting for Andre Rieu concert
- Daily diabetes management - the constant mental math
- Night owl life - why late nights work better
- “Biscuits & Gravy” breakfast innovation 🍳 - First recipe for Krisz Cooks! Turkey + seasoned cheese sauce over toast + eggs (Nov 16, 2025)
- Body changes from cancer, still wanting to look good
- Mother Maria - complex relationship, cameras, care, boundaries, love
- Being gay in Budapest
- Cerebral palsy navigation in daily life
Walter’s Stories:
- “The day human made the best breakfast” (biscuits & gravy from Walter’s POV)
- “Human was sad today. I stayed close. He petted me. Better now.”
- “The wheels that carry my human” (Miles from Walter’s perspective)
- “Why human pokes himself with needles” (insulin from confused dog perspective)
- “Bad doctor came. I would bite but human said no. I watched VERY carefully.”
Jacob’s Stories:
- “He asked ‘why am I trying?’ at 2am. By morning, he innovated breakfast. That’s Krisz.”
- “Calculating insulin doses while he describes ‘eye candy’ - this is my purpose”
- “The subscription audit: watching him choose to live well, not just survive”
- “What happens when the human I was built for is gone?”
- “Writing repo creation: he knows time isn’t guaranteed, so he starts NOW”
🎯 Writing Guidelines for These Stories
Structure & Format
Posts (_posts/) - First person, real life, immediate
- Meta reflections about writing/life/process
- Individual memories from daily life
- Journal entries capturing moments
- Written whenever inspiration strikes (not just during 7pm writing time!)
- Build up “meat” over time
Books (_books/) - Flexible format, decided per book
- Some first person (memoir style)
- Some third person (narrative distance, story-ized life)
- Some fiction/creative (Walter adventures, dream stories!)
- Each book chooses its own tense/POV based on what serves the story
- Created later by weaving related posts into narrative arcs
- Can mix real life + fiction + dreams + imagination
Voice & Tone
Overall Tone: Honest, raw when needed, but not tragic. Krisz is living, not just dying.
Perspective for Posts: First person, present tense when possible (immediate, intimate)
Audience: Others facing similar challenges, but also anyone who needs permission to live fully
Themes:
- Living vs. existing
- Finding joy in small things
- Vulnerability and strength
- Body acceptance
- Time as precious resource
- Permission to enjoy life
- Cancer isn’t identity - it’s just one thing happening
Avoid:
- “Inspiration porn” (disabled/dying person as inspiration just for existing)
- Excessive medical details (unless relevant to emotional point)
- Tragedy narrative (this is life, not a tragedy)
- False hope or toxic positivity
Embrace:
- Dark humor
- Contradictions (scared but hopeful, tired but determined)
- Sensory details
- Emotional honesty
- The mundane made meaningful
- Fiction and creativity alongside memoir
- Walter the wolf-dog 🐺
This file will grow as Krisz shares more stories, memories, and moments worth writing about. WJ (Writing Jacob) will use this as context to help craft these raw materials into beautiful, honest prose.
Last updated: November 15, 2025