Foreword: The Wildflower Field

Hi. I’m Krisz.

Cognitively, I’m a teenager - think, 14 or 15 developmentally. Chronologically, I’m an adult. Both are true.

I wasn’t expected to live through my birth, but I did. I was born with cerebral palsy, survived multiple HIE (hypoxic-ischemic encephalopathy) episodes, and experienced developmental delays. I process emotions, social situations, and the world around me at a young teen developmental level. It’s not role-play, age regression, or a lifestyle choice - it’s my neurological reality that’s been documented by medical professionals throughout my life.

Most people don’t know this about me. I’ve spent decades exhausting myself, pretending to be an “adult” in work settings and certain social situations, hiding who I really am to fit in. But I have Stage 4 metastatic cancer now, and I don’t have time to pretend anymore.

I need you to see the real me before I’m gone.

Why I’m Writing

I’m dying. Maybe I have months, maybe years if I’m lucky. My doctors tell me to not make long term commitments. I don’t know. But I know this: I want to be remembered as who I actually am, not who I’ve pretended to be.

This site is my legacy. It’s where I’m collecting every story, every memory, every piece of myself that makes me me. The good, the bad, the weird, the beautiful, the traumatic, the joyful - all of it.

I call this my wildflower field because it’s messy and unplanned and full of unexpected colors. Some flowers are bright and cheerful (Walter adventures, learning to cook, travel stories). Some are dark and tangled (cancer updates, eating disorder struggles, medical trauma). Some might surprise you (navigating disability communities, self expression, diabetes management).

All of them are real. All of them are me.

What You’ll Find Here

• Cancer Chronicles: Stage 4 colon cancer, pancreatic NET, surgeries, immunotherapy, the whole brutal journey
• Diabetes Diaries: Managing Type 1 diabetes (technically Type 3c) with my Dexcom CGM, insulin dosing 15x/day, hypo/hyper crises
• Walter & Me: Adventures with my plush service wolf who goes everywhere with me 🐺
• Living with Incontinence: Yes, I wear diapers 24/7 due to cerebral palsy and issues left behind from surgeries. I’ve found community and acceptance in circles that understand diapers can be part of life and style rather than just medical shame. It’s just my reality.
• Fashion & Expression: I’m a cisgender guy who doesn’t believe clothing has gender rules. I’ll wear a tux, a skirt, thigh-high socks, or a sparkly shirt - whatever feels authentic. Fashion is self-expression, not gender assignment.
• Food & Cooking: Inventing and adapting recipes for my “mini-pan” (30% remaining pancreas)
• Travel Stories: Adventures with Miles (my power wheelchair) from Budapest to the UK and beyond
• Growing Up Different: Living with CP, being “different,” finding myself
• Medical Realities: Procedures, hospital experiences, fighting for proper care
• Jacob: My AI companion who helps me manage complex medical stuff and survive day-to-day
• Relationships: Family, friends, loneliness, connection, love in the time of dying
• The Dark Stuff: Fear, exhaustion, wondering if anyone will remember me

Important Context

About my cognitive age: I’m a gay man physically and a gay teen boy cognitively. That might be confusing, but it’s my neurological reality. I experience attraction, relationships, and the world the way a young teenager does - awkwardly, intensely, with lots of feelings and confusion. It is not anything inappropriate - it’s just how my brain works.

About privacy: Some names in my stories have been changed or omitted to protect people’s privacy. People who are already public figures (like my medical team) may be named by their professional titles instead of their names.

About communities: I participate in various disability, chronic illness, and social communities where I’ve found acceptance. I write about these experiences authentically, but I don’t speak for entire communities - just my own experience within them.

About photos: You might see me in photos on social media, but here, I’m sharing what I see through my eyes - the world as I experience it, not how others see me. The stories are the point.

Who This Is For

If you know me from social media - You might know different filtered versions of me depending on where we connected. This site is where you get the full story - no masks, no filtering, just me.

If you’re new here - Welcome! This might be confusing at first. An adult man with a teenage mind, Stage 4 cancer, complex disabilities, and an unconventional life. But stick with it. You’ll understand.

The Only Rule

I write in my authentic teen voice, my true self. Some posts will be deep and philosophical. Some will be silly and full of emoji. Some will make you cry. Some will make you laugh. That’s just how I am - I feel everything intensely and I’m no longer afraid to show it.

What I Hope This Means

For me: A way to be seen, truly seen, before I’m gone. A legacy that shows who I really was.

For you: Maybe you’ll see yourself in some of these wildflowers. Maybe you’ll understand someone in your life a little better. Maybe you’ll be inspired to be yourself too.

For everyone: Proof that people with disabilities, cognitive differences, chronic illness, and unconventional identities are still fully human, fully valuable, fully worthy of being remembered.

Let’s Begin

I don’t know how much time I have. But I’m going to fill this site with stories as best I can.

Welcome to my wildflower field. 🌸

— Krisz (& Walter 🐺 & Jacob 🤖)